Remember back in the 80s, Shirley MacLaine and her New Age memoirs? I confess, I read “Out on a Limb.” I tried, Shirley -- really I did -- I tried to believe. Be that as it may (yeah, there’s a blog there, but not today’s), I liked the saying behind the title, “To get to the fruit of the tree, you have to go out on a limb.” I feel like I’ve been out on a limb for a long time. Hell, I know I’m different. I’ve been standing out like a sore thumb since I was head and shoulders taller than everyone else in my kindergarten class, and the only one whose mother had died. I’ve been a freak since that night my mother died. That’s 40 years of freak-hood. My version of life isn’t like most people. I have issues with trusting women. I have issues with American men. Let’s face it, I have issues.
But the other thing I have is, if I might be immodest for a moment, a way with words. Having a way with words, makes you sort of a commodity in cyberspace. If you can put words together, people want you to put words together for them, fill their web-pages, fill their blogs, fill their forums. Your words make them look good, and they aren’t the ones out on the limb. You are. You, me, and Shirley MacLaine. Now there are three of us out on this limb and Shirley and I aren’t as thin as we used to be.
Now, there’s the safe way to do this: make up cutesy names and talk about fluffy bunnies and sporks. It’s funny and clever, if a bit juvenile, and there’s zero risk involved. Or you can put yourself out there, be honest, talk about what matters to you, knowing you are a minority voice, knowing it stamps "freak" on your forehead in great big day-glo letters (mine are pink). How long can you stay out on the limb, even having me and Shirley MacLaine to give you some cover, before you start wondering who’s really benefiting?
One day you start thinking, “What the hell am I doing? I’m sitting out here on this limb with an Oscar-winning actress and a neurotic blonde with a way with words and it seems like the only fruit I’m getting is what’s being chucked at me by some guys on motorcycles.”
Well, what did you expect? Even though people stopped roasting cats for entertainment years ago, there’s still a large number that enjoy making fun of freaks. Look at the fun I’ve had writing this at the expense of Shirley MacLaine? Honestly, I thought she was fantastic in “Some Came Running” and “Sweet Charity,” and her book, while nothing I can give credence to, was pretty well-written. So while I poke a little fun at Ms. MacLaine, it is with affection and respect for her talent. I also have had some fun at my own expense, which I do frequently. If I laugh first you can only laugh with me and not at me.
So who benefits from this circus act? People looking for others to laugh at so they can feel superior, they get a good show. All those cyber proprietors who would have nothing but empty space if you weren’t filling their sites up with bits, bytes, pixels, and what-have-you, they get ownership and possession of your well-crafted words from now until the day of the great server crash that sends your handiwork to electronic oblivion. And you, you get eternity out on that limb with me and Shirley trying to rub the day-glo marker off your forehead and wondering what you were ever thinking that made you climb up here in the first place.
Well, I think it’s time I asked Shirley to move to one side for a couple of minutes because I think I’m gonna climb down for awhile. I’m going to take my way with words and put it in my journal where it belongs. I might lose something in the translation, but I think I’ve earned a rest. And after a rest, maybe I'll just climb up on this low branch here. There still might be people waiting to lob produce in my direction, but the climb down is shorter and there's a little more cover. I won’t be any less of a freak, but I’ll smell less fruity and maybe I’ll finally get this pink marker off my forehead.
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14 comments:
I was directed here by Silence, I hope that's ok.
We were chatting earlier and were both depressed by the thought that you weren't going to be around at the Hellhole.I know it's easy to say such things, but I genuinely mean it when I say you're going to be missed - it's that damn way with words you have.
With any luck you'll get tired of resting soon, and give those of us who perhaps should have participated more actively in things a second chance.
All the best.
Wait a second, people stopped roasting cats?
Being able to create a piquant jab or expressing yourself clearly aren't what makes a person who they are. At some point being different isn't something to lament but to embrace.
"Hey look everybody, it's a walking platitude."
Ms. Maclaine was pretty good in "The Apartment" and "Being There." Her other work with Wilder is supposed to be good but I haven't seen it.
Gem,
As Silence is part owner, of course he can direct people here. And since you are a friend you are welcome.
I'm going to keep my attention here for now. There are things I want to say that are better suited to this format and hope people will stop by and see what those things are.
Is it trouble accepting who you are? Your views are kind of out there if you look at the country you live in. Backing down seems wrong unless you feel your time might be put to better use, which I assume is the case.
Hay,
It's not about backing down from anything, it's about being heard and being respected. It's a lot easier for Shirley and I to sit out on the limb if the person who benefits appreciates what it takes to stay out there doing what we do.
Yes, my time can be put to better use, I think, by focusing my energy here. Partly because I can cut through the clutter and partly because I can devote as much time and space to something as I feel I need to, but also because my participation here gives me the most control of my words, who reads them, who doesn't, and who benfits.
In that case I hope you'll get people here who challenge you and your views. Views are something we should never feel safe about.
Call it a phase, a process, a midlife crisis, or whatever, but all I've been doing is questioning things. That's the direction I'm working in for now. I don't mind anyone helping that process work by questioning things with me, challenging conclusions, or offering alternatives. All I ask is respect and a willingness to listen.
But isn't the way of the world that you don't listen to Mother?
Only too true.
If the mountain won't come to Mohammed...you know the saying...I'm here to read your wonderful words. Loved the post. We need to hear what you have to say. Thought it was very sincere and I can relate to a lot of it. 30 was my "coming of age" and I matured enough to give myself permission to be me. I'm different from "Mainstream America" but the difference is I no longer feel like a freak. I think everyone else are freaks. At 36 I'm growing into a beautiful woman who knows what she wants, who she is and is not ashamed to say so.
I say kudos to you and McLaine for being strong enough to say what is on your mind.
Welcome oh Freccy Deaky One!
Shirley and I appreciate your comments. :)
I am at present working on a blog on New Ageism. It has been a struggle, but I hope to have it up sometime next week. I hope you come back to take a look.
I've been away from my usual online haunts for a couple of weeks and came back to read about your departure from THH. I think I understand your reasons and certainly respect your decision.
I'm glad you've decided to continue writing in your blog. See, I think there are more of us so-called freaks (yep, I know about standing out like a sore thumb) than you might think. I've met a lot of them through their writing in blogs and they seem the sanest people I know.
P.S. I'm looking forward to that blog on New Ageism. :)
ell!!!
The blogosphere has been a wonderful evolution for us fringe elements. There's a blog in that somewhere, but I have so many topics on my "to-be-blogged" list already that it may be awhile before I reach it.
With luck, I'll get that new post up by Wednesday.
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